Chinese Christian Herald Crusades UK

2023年12月, 青少年園地

Missing stairs and saving face


Imagine a staircase where one step is missing, and everybody in the house knows about it. However, instead of choosing to fix it or even put in a temporary solution, the group leaves it be. 

The missing staircase is a metaphor used to describe a person within a social group who is known to be untrustworthy or problematic. Rather than addressing the issues openly, the group chooses to manage them discreetly by warning newcomers about this person’s behaviour. This leads to an environment where the problem persists, yet the community avoids confronting it directly.

In Chinese culture, the concept of ‘saving face’ holds similar significance. It revolves around preserving one’s social reputation, dignity, and honour, often at the expense of direct communication. Individuals may go to great lengths to avoid perceived embarrassment or shame, leading to a culture where certain truths are left unspoken, and conflicts are managed behind closed doors. 

While these cultural practices may offer short-term solutions to maintain social harmony, they come at a cost. Indirect communication can easily foster misunderstandings, erode trust, and result in relationships that lack depth. But by avoiding direct confrontation, individuals miss the opportunity for genuine connection and resolution. To encourage direct and healthy communication, there are several factors to take into consideration:

Fostering openness:

Encourage a culture of openness and honesty within your social circles. Emphasize that addressing issues directly is not a sign of conflict but an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Active listening:

Practise active listening, which is a crucial component of effective communication. By genuinely listening to others, we create a space for open dialogue and build connections based on understanding. 


Cultivate empathy to understand the perspectives of others. Recognise that everyone has unique experiences and emotions, and acknowledging these differences is vital for meaningful communication.

Constructive feedback:

Provide and accept constructive feedback graciously. Construction criticism, when delivered with care and respect, can be a powerful tool for personal and interpersonal development. 

Conflict resolution:

Encourage open discussion to resolve conflicts instead of allowing them to fester. Addressing issues directly promotes a healthier, more resilient community.