Wynne C
Those who have been following this column for a while would have noticed that I often write about my job as a doctor, and share the ways I have learned to manage work stresses, cope with pressure, protect resilience and try to strike a better work-life balance.
Without realising it, I had gradually built my identity around my job. Being busy had become a baseline. Working overtime had become the norm. And for the longest time, I never questioned it. That’s just how life is, isn’t it?
I currently find myself in a short transition period between jobs. For many, it may be a much welcome break after such a long time. However, my response was surprising, even to myself!
I was filled with an overwhelming sense of uneasiness in this season of “doing nothing”. This may sound very odd but I even caught myself feeling a little dread that I would not have anywhere to go on a Monday morning! Never in a million years would I have imagined I would dread not having the Monday blues!
I started wondering how busy people cope with idleness. Is there a rush of adrenaline that pumps through our veins when we are met with task after task? Do we secretly enjoy the hustle? Does the excuse of being busy stop us from truly confronting ourselves with difficult truths? When all is stripped away, and you are left standing in front of the mirror, who is that person looking back at you? Do you recognise who he or she is without that uniform, job title or responsibilities you pride yourself on carrying? Or is he or she merely a stranger to you?
As I confronted myself with the cold, hard truth, the word “empty” seemed to reflect my state of mind. That is what it felt like when an identity I found so much of my worth in was lost. I was lost. I had nowhere to go, and no one to be.
During Sunday service worship last week, we sang the song “Here I Bow”. The words pierced through the emptiness:
“Where would I run but to the throne of mercy
Where would I kneel but at this cross of grace
How great the love
How strong the hand that holds us
Beautiful, so beautiful
So here I bow to lift You high
Jesus be glorified
In all things, for all my life
I am Yours, forever Yours”
I felt God saying three simple yet powerful words: “Rest, my child.” In the ebbs and flows of life, I was gently yet strongly reminded that God held the ultimate truth of our identities. I am, first and foremost, His child. That is an unshakeable truth in every season. God also knows our hearts’ deepest cries before we do. Amidst all the noise, He knew that rest is what I truly need at this time.
May we never lose sight of who we are in the Lord. May we see Jesus as we look into the mirror as image-bearers of Him who has saved us. May we find our way to His cross of grace in all seasons of life.
